With benefits like these, who needs drawbacks? Welcome aboard!
1. You get paid vacation days!
But you can’t use them during the two weeks blacked out before and after every major holiday.
2. You get sick days!
That no one ever takes when they’re actually sick.
Instead they come to work and infect everyone else. Repeat ad nauseum.
3. You get free snacks!
But someone else always gets the last of the good ones right before you.
4. You get a complimentary gym membership!
That you will never use.
5. You get your own cubicle!
But it doesn’t dampen sound at all.
6. You get lightning fast Internet!
But every site in the world is blocked.
7. You get a 401k and stock options!
But are afraid to admit you don’t understand what the hell that means.
8. And of course, you make salary now!
Which means no more overtime pay. Ever.