Eric writes: When we were younger, my little brother paid me a dollar to eat a spoonful of dirt. I started to eat it, took the money from him and spat out the dirt. I maintain that I taught him a valuable lesson. Years later, he still wants me to eat some dirt.
Look, I did not get into the fake-judging game to not order someone to eat a spoonful of dirt. Of course that is my order. But lest you think I did not give you a fair hearing, this court will concede this: You did teach your brother a lesson, which is that you are a bully and a cheat. But a geophagy contract was made and must be enforced: one teaspoonful of dirt goes into your lying stomach by way of mouth. You may choose high-grade potting soil if you like.